tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58827282917223684012024-03-20T03:43:40.943-06:00for reals...alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.comBlogger301125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-54923808204422365872014-11-03T06:39:00.001-07:002014-11-03T06:39:01.219-07:00Three hundredWith rough winter weather on its way I spent a good chunk of yesterday epilating, soaking in the tub, exfoliating, shaving, using Frank scrub, and then body oil, etc (the regimine just keeps growing).<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> I wanted every inch of my skin happily hydrated and silky smooth. After all of this effort I kept touching my legs in admiration of my work and told The Boy to feel how smooth they are. He willingly obliged, then responded, "They feel just as smooth as they always do." #boysknownothing</span>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-20339942523537969822014-10-10T13:45:00.001-06:002014-10-10T13:45:31.608-06:00Two hundred ninety nineWow it's been a long time since I posted on here. <div><br></div><div>Today's thought is one of honesty. </div><div><br></div><div>I've come incredibly far since the years of battling an eating disorder, but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed my head still answers my anxiety by telling me to just not eat. It's frustrating. It feels like a slap in the face after all the hard work I've put in. Most days/weeks/MONTHS pass without even a fleeting thought of anything eating disorder related, but then there are the rogue days when those pervasive thoughts hit me from out of the blue. I know it's not the answer but it's frustrating to know that despite knowing it won't fix anything, it WILL temporarily make me feel a bit better. </div><div><br></div><div>More than anything, these moments are humbling to me. It's humbling to be reminded that although I am so far from where I was at the beginning of this journey, I'm am never too far to remember the true desperation of those still struggling. I'm never so "over" my eating disorder that I can forget the true compassion that is merited by those in the depths of fighting their personal demons, and I am never so "recovered" that I can forget to be patient with myself in those moments when a haunting of my past decides to visit my mind on a random afternoon. </div><div><br></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-65906149154380211372012-08-25T23:03:00.001-06:002012-08-25T23:04:02.908-06:00Two hundred ninety eight<div><p>I just hit "submit" on my application for PA school. I stopped procrastinating and just hit the damn button. Finally. Part of me feels excited. Part of me feels nervous. The majority of me just feels 1000 US dollars poorer. #omg #prayforme</p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-88434273162817025712012-08-18T20:27:00.001-06:002012-08-18T20:30:21.479-06:00Two hundred ninety seven<div><p>Can't wait to get back to this. Bring on fall.</p>
<br/><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCgdorITVYiiaEC-ErehX9p9SpdeRHe8R8FEq8Sf2Lani4S5AzUTC0e-eKDhqoGYV6psAnvXvd7wSoyORvFvY_1RjK9YwxfZ2Sifx98LyQ2-wswjUg3947QBo4sBZEccu0s_gi5GKoU119/' /></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-75131486993925854662012-06-15T11:02:00.001-06:002012-06-15T11:02:31.827-06:00Two hundred ninety six<div><p>People often hang things from their car's rearview mirror. Today I passed a Sheriff van that hand cuffs swinging from it. That is all.</p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-21187399285377278342012-06-07T01:22:00.001-06:002012-06-07T01:28:54.373-06:00Two hundred ninety five<div><p>Things I love this summer:<br>
Living with my bestie<br>
Getting out of work earlier than anticipated<br>
Tanning<br>
Playing on diving boards at Scera pool<br>
Early morning fishing<br>
Cute boys<br>
Lots and lots of cute boys.</p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-51537482417818093202012-04-27T06:09:00.001-06:002012-04-27T06:41:18.401-06:00Two hundred ninety four<div><p>I can't remember the last time I was awake at 6am. As I drive home from a night on call I'm watching the sky get lighter (opposed to darker for once), and find myself feeling overwhelmingly grateful. Grateful for an ever supportive family. Grateful to have such incredible friends. Grateful to work with people who have become friends instead of simply being coworkers. Grateful for the opportunity I've been given to get an education, to find a passion, and to be able to pursue it as a career. I'm indescribably grateful for N. I'm grateful for such an outstandingly superb little dog. I'm grateful to know that I'll take a nap for a few hours and then have yet another day with which to marvel at all of the wonders I've been blessed with in my life.<br>
Xoxo, A.</p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-67891772961931314732012-03-21T14:56:00.001-06:002012-03-21T14:57:07.037-06:00Two hundred ninety three<div><p>In honor of the official start of spring, I am sipping an iced latte, driving with my sun roof open, and rocking the perfect pair of nude patent leather peep toes. </p>
<p>Are your toes primed for a season of peeping?! </p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-19272699945555840082012-03-20T19:30:00.002-06:002012-03-20T21:45:41.315-06:00two hundred ninety two<div><p>back to the blog-o-sphere.<br>
i love the anonymity of twitter.<br>
i like the ease of status updates on fb.<br>
but I'm not a fan of the amount of oversharing i'm prone to on those social media sites.<br>
I've always liked blogging.<br>
not just big posts, but little ones too.<br>
tidbits of thought.<br>
today's?</p>
<p>something that bugs:<br>
a nail polish chip half way through a twelve hour shift.</p>
<p>also,<br>
i don't know why, but i'm feeling surprisingly optimistic about this spring.<br>
and i'm not going to question it,<br>
i'm simply going to enjoy it.</p>
</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-11524939977202016452011-05-08T23:26:00.003-06:002011-05-08T23:47:20.114-06:00two hundred ninety one<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWnSGHGVDx8UkIF0urHfHPn8KfJ6_og0Qk7Pu7AoB8o6TPaTmPeED798ThUPslcPoiYo6B7SsHOCZ2wRzMj1ws6OzMA4vI_U47LnwmBHLIcuC1sQqqxC1PkPgzOVLmlkbu2qf985WCEMDC/s1600/226634_220725964620855_100000503584115_905869_906213_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 224px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWnSGHGVDx8UkIF0urHfHPn8KfJ6_og0Qk7Pu7AoB8o6TPaTmPeED798ThUPslcPoiYo6B7SsHOCZ2wRzMj1ws6OzMA4vI_U47LnwmBHLIcuC1sQqqxC1PkPgzOVLmlkbu2qf985WCEMDC/s400/226634_220725964620855_100000503584115_905869_906213_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604585538630966546" /></a>spring semester has finally come to a close and i couldn't be happier to spend my summer doing all of the things i have forgotten to have loved. i'm thrilled to spend my days at the pool side whilst reading classic novels and trashy gossip mags alike. i'm delighted at the prospect of hiking on a whim with my little rockstar by my side. i'm exhilarated to plan my days off by not having plans at all. i want to finish my recovery quilt. i want to build a glass bubble chandelier. i want to do more with my visual journal. the only hinderance to these blissful activities is the monumental pull of staying snuggled in my covers. i could never cheat on my bed, i just love it too much! in order to be happy i need to actually do the things that make me happy. that is what my summer goal is, to spend every bit of my time doing something that makes me happy! today's happiness included deep cleaning my house, repainting a set of bathroom shelves to be a happy summer yellow color, planting tomato seeds, planting asters, painting my nails, snuggling with rox, and hanging out with my family. it has been productive but simple. it's the simplicity that brings me happiness. let's do more of the things that make us happy. what a spectacular concept! happy mother's day!alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-82179470947286438842011-01-12T11:37:00.002-07:002011-01-12T11:54:04.228-07:00two hundred ninetyhello all,<div>i need to get better at blogging, even if just for my piece of mind. </div><div><br /></div><div>today's topic? creating your life. </div><div><br /></div><div>so many of my friends are getting married, beginning a new life together, and have spent years dreaming of what said life would contain. it makes me wonder what my life will hold. even more so, it makes me wonder what i WANT my life to hold. i'm not dreaming of buying a fixer-upper with my husband and getting into paint fights as we slowly create the environment in which we build our memories of a home. i'm not interested in cooking soggy yet burnt casserole concoctions of whatever is left in the pantry and watching devotion manifested through attempts to hide a cringe with every bite. i want to build my surrounding structure without waiting for someone to fall into my life and fix it for me. i want to harness the ability to secure something substantial and free standing without depending on someone else. i want to discover these things for myself so that when this magic man happens to cross paths with mine we can accent our lives together with 1000 thread count bed sheets and perfectly paired turkish cotton towels. to enjoy the splendor of nuance that comes with knowing that i'll never settle.</div><div><br /></div><div>too often i find myself sitting around waiting for the time for my life to happen- for the pieces to just "fall into place"- but then i realize that i'm in the <i>middle</i> of that time and that the pieces won't find a place until i <b>make</b> them a place. and i'm going to do just that.</div><div><br /></div><div>happy wednesday.</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-43252407411663095152010-10-04T16:26:00.002-06:002010-10-04T16:33:33.577-06:00two hundred eighty nine<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">At times I get caught up in existential anxiety and forget who I am. Sometimes it's just for a minute, but that minute is scary. And I need to remind myself that </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">I know exactly who I am</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">.<br /><br />My name is Alana. I am 23. I have a good heart. I have hope for true change in the world. I have an </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">obsession</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;"> with dark wash denim. Sunshine on my skin is rejuvenating to my soul. Snugging is my all time favorite past time. I sleep on a thousand pillows and feel safe when I'm haphazardly buried between them. I know my family will love me no matter what. I know I am a daughter of God. I adore dressing according to the season (and accessorizing too). Watching torrential thunderstorms makes me feel calm inside. If I could do one thing for the rest of my life it would be wakeboarding. I try to do one scary thing every single day. I'm an adrenaline junkie with crippling anxiety. I'm learning to accept my limits one day at a time. I am grateful to have discovered that every day is a fresh start into the unknown and that</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;"> its entirely up to me</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;"> to decide what I'll do with that precious time.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">At times this may be all I know. But in those moments I can also know that this is enough...</span></span></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-13068541885642431582010-10-02T20:24:00.000-06:002010-10-02T20:25:35.335-06:00two hundred eighty eightLove is louder than hate. <br />Love is louder than pain.<br />Love is louder than fear. <br /><br />I love to love the things love is capable of doing.alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-87787918353352749912010-09-29T07:56:00.001-06:002010-09-29T07:56:41.757-06:00one hundred eighty sevenI know I get frustrated, discouraged and experience a multitude of other emotions when it comes to recovery. Sometimes I feel left out that I can't dabble in societal Ed the way most people in the world can. I get jealous of how others can go to the gym every day without getting so caught up in it that they suddenly find that their entire week has been spent on a treadmill. I feel excluded from the girl talk of diet sensations and I get pissed off that my roomie can just leave a scale in the middle of the bathroom floor without getting to a place where the number it flashes becomes your next fix. <br /><br />But at the end of the day I keep doing what I'm doing because I know its right for me. I know that most people live in a distorted society because they don't know any better and that I'm fortunate to be aware that I don't need to be confined to those unrealistic standards of perfection. I know that hours logged at the gym does not correlate with the success of my day as a decent human being. I can have conversations with friends about real things that actually build relationships instead of talking about petty diets that are ultimately in place to make everyone feel guilty enough about their flaws to set new starvation resolutions until they all meet again. I know that it doesn't matter what the scale says, I will always HATE it, and that I don't need to torture myself by always seeking its approval. Sometimes I have ice cream for breakfast while still in bed because it is a simple pleasure in life. And sometimes I have a snack just because I can- because it is okay to be a little reckless and not overthink everything and remember that there are more things to life than having an eating disorder.alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-53708423852441925922010-09-16T18:09:00.001-06:002010-09-18T02:16:04.535-06:00one hundred eighty sixThere's a certain kind of person I choose not to associate with. <div>Sure, I'm cordial, </div><div>but not much beyond polite. </div><div>Do I feel bad? </div><div>Absolutely not.<br /><br />And I'm still a good person.<br />Peace out.</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-48641327762041499802010-09-05T12:23:00.006-06:002010-09-11T00:26:13.927-06:00two hundred eighty fve<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am a predictable mass of </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">contradictions.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I'm the quiet nerd with a secret life as an outspoken, witty human being. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I walk through school, clumsily graceful, with eye avoiding self-confidence. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I whisper flambouyant greetings to friends I have never met. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I wear flip-flops, a skirt, and an old faded t-shirt.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I drive around with the music up and the sunroof open on the rainiest of days. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am a pristine mess, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a mismatched fashion plate with hot pink fuzzy socks. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am an intelligent idiot, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a procrastinating perfectionist, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a musician who dreams of never being heard. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Im a gloomy optimist, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a rebellious star patient,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a good girl with a bad attitude.... </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am the nerd at a rock concert and the rocker at the symphony. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Beastie Boys sit next to Bach in my CD collection. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I baby my parents and drive myself to the park to swing on the swings.... </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am a practical romantic, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a clear-thinking flake, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">an airhead with a good memory. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Im promptly late and lazily busy. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am a southern Anglophile in suburban Utah, </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">an old-fashioned woman of the future </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">and an artist who cant draw. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am the silent commentator. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I get the jokes, but can't make them. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Im an observer who wont look at people and a show-off who shuns attention. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am a tongue-tied linguist and a studious slacker. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Im a fan who misses every game and a socialite without a social life. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">i am an oxymoron.</span></span></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-34933897521297225942010-08-22T22:04:00.000-06:002010-08-22T22:05:18.607-06:00two hundred eighty fourThings that have made me happy in the past week:<br /><br />*boating<br />*vespa rides with patrick<br />*heating pads<br />*modern day medicine<br />*convos with my little brother that go something like this:<br /><br />(While attempting to massage the muscle spasms in my neck and back)<br />A: Ouch! That's my bone!<br />L: Oh sorry! I thought it was the nugget! <br />A: The nugget?! Do you mean the knot?<br />L: Oh yeah, the knot...<br /><br />(A few moments later)<br /><br />A: Ouch!<br />L: Sorry, I keep telling myself to stay between your spine and razor blade but I keep getting distracted!<br />A: My razor blade?! You mean my shoulder blade?<br />L: Oh yeah...<br />A: That's okay Logan, I think I'm good on the massage...<br /><br />He's adorable. <br /><br />And life is good.alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-798950631038510462010-08-14T18:14:00.002-06:002010-08-14T18:28:09.365-06:00two hundred eighty threeapparently my blog called and it misses me...<div><br /></div><div>i'm attempting to recommit to blogging because i used to love it. and lots has happened between my last post and now.</div><div><br /></div><div>and on this episode of </div><div>"alana goes back to treatment..."</div><div><br /></div><div>i took a little break from life itself. it was much needed. during that time i have discovered that:</div><div>-people like you more when you're not striving for perfection</div><div>-my apartment is next to the party pool</div><div>-change is hard</div><div>-people don't judge as much as i think they do</div><div>-the right thing is often the simple thing, but that certainly doesn't make it the easy thing</div><div>-i don't believe in AA's philosophy</div><div>-i do believe in the 12 steps</div><div>-it's okay to spend a seemingly ridiculous time staring at a cupboard full of food while sitting on my kitchen floor as long as i choose to eat something in the end</div><div>-i respond to tough love because it means someone cares enough about me to merit the energy of getting mad</div><div>-i'm hooked on grey's anatomy</div><div>-megavideo only allows 72 minutes of video watching at a time</div><div>-i love green apples and creamy peanut butter</div><div>-as tough as wanting something is, the people who suffer most are the ones who don't know what they want.</div><div><br /></div><div>i called it like it was. and it sucked. but i'm better for it. so if you think i'm broken, then fix me. cuz i'm no quitter.</div><div><br /></div><div>and i think we can do anything we want to if we stick to it long enough.</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-6654474340249442742010-04-25T14:33:00.000-06:002010-04-25T14:37:15.368-06:00two hundred eighty twoPlease don't ask,<br />I don't want to have to lie to you. <br />Its just a paper. <br />And I need to prove my penance. <br />Can't we avoid and pretend just a little bit longer?<br />Pretty please with a (artifically manufactured, red dye 40 saturated marachino) cherry on top?!alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-23111359033407978182010-04-22T19:56:00.005-06:002010-04-22T21:05:56.566-06:00two hundred eighty one<div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">With lipgloss prepped perfection,</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She's out the door without a trace.</span></b></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sunroof's open, aviators on</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">As she zips from place to place.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The music's blaring; she sings along</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Just living from day to day.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">No one would guess the little girl in the Lexus</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Just drives to fight her thoughts away</span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></b></div></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-43101538787740369022010-04-17T15:11:00.002-06:002010-04-17T15:20:17.978-06:00two hundred eightyholla.<div><br /></div><div>soooo, i kinda had a little freak out this morning. i wish they didn't happen as frequently as they do. i've cleaned, distracted, slept, studied, zoned out, contemplated the notion of leaving my house to enjoy what looks like a beautiful warm spring day, journalled, and have ultimately found myself <b>still</b> in bed, and frustrated at not being able to figure out why i get so anxious about apparently nothing at all.</div><div><br /></div><div>i was supposed to go rock climbing this weekend. i went climbing down in st. george last weekend and had a blast. i was looking forward to this trip all week long, it seriously got me through my week. we were supposed to leave yesterday morning and i freaked out and bailed. i love climbing. i love road trips. i love st. george. i love the group that was going down. so what was my deal?!</div><div><br /></div><div>i just kept thinking about all of the homework i need to get done before finals come up. and i stayed home in order to relieve the stress of needing to get it all done (in theory). in reality, i've done like 3 things out of the 2 dozen that i need to do this weekend, and keep getting in bed in hopes of falling asleep and not stressing about it. unfortunately i've maxxed out on my sleep quota and am blogging instead. destructive? no. but not quite productive either...</div><div><br /></div><div>okay i'm going to study for reals now and perhaps even leave my house at some point today...</div><div>here's to no more panic attacks! :)</div><div><br /></div><div>ciao.</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-43135840350986039062010-04-14T21:19:00.003-06:002010-04-14T21:31:47.600-06:00two hundred seventy nine<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">got a secret</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">can you keep it?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">swear this one you'll save.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">better lock it in your pocket,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">taking this one to the grave.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">if i show you then i know you won't tell what i've said</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">cuz two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">why do you smile like you've been told a secret?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">now you're telling lies cuz you're the one to keep it.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">but no one keeps a secret...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">why when we do our darkest deeds, do we tell?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">because they burn inside our brains</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">they become a living hell.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">so no one keeps a secret...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>[the very thing that connects us to each other?] </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>[the few secrets we don't think we could ever share with another.]</b></span></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-30305265705570692722010-04-03T17:20:00.005-06:002010-04-03T17:47:06.965-06:00two hundred seventy eightokay it's time for a little update...<div><br /></div><div>-i hiked/camped in arches national park for the first time last weekend and it was freezing but amazing. an album of photos are posted on my facebook page and i'm too lazy to post them twice so feel free to scope them there.</div><div>-this weekend i'm going rock climbing in st. george and i can't wait! emily and i always have a blast on PRT road trips!</div><div>-my anxiety still sucks and i hate Ed. just needed to make sure i have that in writing somewhere.</div><div>-i snagged a schweeeeeet pair of straight leg dark wash Seven For All Mankind jeans for <b>$45 </b>today (that's right, be jealous) and am thrilled.</div><div>-it was recently discovered that i am an idiot when it comes to payroll and deductions and taxes and somehow owe the government one thousand US dollars. that's right. fml.</div><div>-chillaxin with shelly is quickly becoming one of my favorite past times, even if it means beginning to panic when i can't find her in a crowded store and wandering <i>way</i> too quickly (pretending to browse) while having the look of a lost 2 year old on my face until she eventually finds me! what is my deal?!</div><div>-found a rad new journal at B&N (i could spend all day in that store. for reals.). you know the old british war propaganda posters that were red with bold white writing and said "Keep Calm and Carry On"? well i found a nifty (yes, i just said nifty) little journal that's pink (of course) and in the same style says <b>"Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake"</b>! baha! i think it's awesome! (equally entertaining was browsing the aisles with her and suddenly seeing a book sticking out with her on the cover. i started laughing SO hard! sorry shell, but out of every book in the store, what are the odds?!)</div> -i also <i>almost</i> bought another journal that i thought was funny because it said "shopping is cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist." sometimes i shop a bit impulsively, just fyi... but once i got home i realized i'm glad i didn't buy it because with the way i shop seeing a psychiatrist would <b>totally</b> be cheaper so the sassy little saying wouldn't even be true! and then i started thinking about the cost of shopping <b>and</b> seeing a psychiatrist and decided to just stop thinking about things all together. i think too much <strike>sometimes</strike> all the time.<div>-glee returns in a matter of days and i'm <b>mucho </b>stoked!<br /><div>-it needs to get warmer so i can start biking. this cold weather is killllllllling me. i hate it. i <i>need</i> to be outside.</div><div>-i also need to study.</div><div><br /></div><div>peace.out</div></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-63822965780004172182010-03-20T18:56:00.001-06:002010-03-20T18:57:27.196-06:00two hundred seventy sevenmy new favorite snippet on earth! i probably watch it 3 times a day. for reals.<div><br /></div><div><object width="512" height="296"><param name="movie" value="http://www.hulu.com/embed/4YcPGh1IhlqaZB6s0fwUUw/i35"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.hulu.com/embed/4YcPGh1IhlqaZB6s0fwUUw/i35" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="512" height="296"></embed></object></div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882728291722368401.post-34860915462045589922010-03-18T21:52:00.006-06:002010-03-20T18:55:53.047-06:00two hundred seventy six<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFtbqiXkMbsqky2HfR0fjvhpDUlWQB4jWlB_AFo99KnYBh_q_5G9QYl1fXOKkTFc8isl6RLkqYUReJ3SrRLNZqpPQYIhaUamWZSnbYM5__oX26V9kCjq-GnxGpM_RfJ1A3g-YTf4xBvT8M/s1600-h/IMG00328.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFtbqiXkMbsqky2HfR0fjvhpDUlWQB4jWlB_AFo99KnYBh_q_5G9QYl1fXOKkTFc8isl6RLkqYUReJ3SrRLNZqpPQYIhaUamWZSnbYM5__oX26V9kCjq-GnxGpM_RfJ1A3g-YTf4xBvT8M/s400/IMG00328.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5450188052098302674" /></a>i work at a hospital that just spent what seems like a kazillion dollars on a brand new multi-level wing of expansion. so pray tell, can you see what the hell they did wrong here? it drives me crazy to see it every single time i need to walk toward this hall to get to the elevators...<div><br /></div><div>[edit] i abhor elevators in and of themselves but that's an entirely separate post of it's own!</div>alana.rachellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05422592393273124525noreply@blogger.com3