Friday, October 10, 2014

Two hundred ninety nine

Wow it's been a long time since I posted on here. 

Today's thought is one of honesty. 

I've come incredibly far since the years of battling an eating disorder, but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed my head still answers my anxiety by telling me to just not eat. It's frustrating. It feels like a slap in the face after all the hard work I've put in. Most days/weeks/MONTHS pass without even a fleeting thought of anything eating disorder related, but then there are the rogue days when those pervasive thoughts hit me from out of the blue. I know it's not the answer but it's frustrating to know that despite knowing it won't fix anything, it WILL temporarily make me feel a bit better. 

More than anything, these moments are humbling to me. It's humbling to be reminded that although I am so far from where I was at the beginning of this journey,  I'm am never too far to remember the true desperation of those still struggling. I'm never so "over" my eating disorder that I can forget the true compassion that is merited by those in the depths of fighting their personal demons, and I am never so "recovered" that I can forget to be patient with myself in those moments when a haunting of my past decides to visit my mind on a random afternoon. 

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