Wednesday, October 31, 2007

seventy nine

boys make me crazy.
i just want to put that out there!
like when a guy goes out of town and doesn't call you to say he's back.
or when he finally calls to say he's going out with his ex-girlfriend on halloween and hopes you have a fun night.
how about all the cute boys in your classes that you won't even make eye contact with?
and the fact that even if you wanted to make friends with them, they are usually already busy chatting with some other cute girl.
it's been observed that i don't easily let people into my "inner circle."
of course i have yet to meet a boy worthy of inclusion.
i love how i act like its a privilege for them to know what's truly going on with me,
when its really just that i'm afraid they will knock down my walls, leaving me vulnerable to the world.
is it really so bad to keep everything inside if you have the tools to process with?
is there really a benefit to letting people in?
emotional isolation may keep me cut off from truly intimate relationships,
but it also keeps me safe.

[chalk it up to insecurity]

Monday, October 29, 2007

seventy eight

i can't help but try to find a little perspective in my life.

i'm sitting stressing over the communications paper thats due in like a half hour (of course i've yet to start it), but then i think about people like mitch's 4 year old boy who suddenly doesn't have his daddy anymore. is my dumb paper really that big of a deal in life?

mitch sieverts died thursday of an "accidental overdose." i'm not really sure what to think about it all so i tried to not think about it at all. obviously that doesn't work too well. the term accidental OD is given to anything that's not a known or suspected suicide and it casts people in a bad light. i know mitch was all about having a good time, and a little reckless at times, but i know that he had a good heart. i know he dreamed of going back to the temple. i know that he adored his son. i know that he LOVED just to be living every single day. i'm sad, but at the same time i'm kinda mad at him. to party it up is just fine, but when you have kids you have an added responsibility to stay alive to take care of them. how are they going to explain to a 4 year old that daddy got a little too loaded one night and just didn't wake up?!

i'm so relieved that i wouldn't help him out with any more of the ativan that he "needed just until seeing the doctor later in the week." i would feel responsible and in part, i would be. i don't think i could handle that. so thank god nicole made me do another contract and included no more selling meds. i don't know what i was thinking. i genuinely thought that he needed them. i feel bad that in the weeks leading up to his death he kept calling and saying that he needed someone to talk to and that i would just ignore his messages and not return his calls. i know he was a good guy, i definitely don't think i'm any better than him. i just thought it would be best to distance myself from him. i was sick of getting caught up in all the crap. i'd like to say that i hope he knew that i loved him as a person, but i know that he didn't know. he thought i looked down on him and hated him, and that sucks.

it's all just made me think of how recklessly we live our lives. how many times do we pop a pill that we may or may not actually need, because psychologically we associate that pill with "feeling better?" i didn't realize how many people actually die from the wrong combo of meds in their system at a given time. to take a week's worth of high ephedra diet pills in one sitting so that i can wake up in the morning may leave me a little sick, but it certainly can't kill me, right? wrong. why the hell do we think we are so invincible? cliche, i know, but life truly is a gift and i need to remember that every day of my life.

rest in peace mitch...

Friday, October 26, 2007

seventy seven

trial and error
has led me to find
i can see best
when i

seventy six

playing hide and seek.
yes we are stuffed under the bathroom sink,
but no, i have no idea why i have a wooden hanger in there with us!
good times!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

seventy five

i had no idea what he was doing! we were trying to send a video to my little sis and all of a sudden he starts singing his rendition of the plain white t's! i love it!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

seventy four

so my friend has been sending me some pretty hilarious jokes lately and my biggest chuckle today was due to the following story:

A woman stopped by her recently married son's house. She rang the
doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law
lying on the couch totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma
of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for your son to come home from work," the daughter-in-law

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!" said the mother-in-law.

"Your son loves me to wear this dress," daughter-in-law explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he
instantly becomes romantic and it goes on for hours. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

BAHA! sad, but very funny in my opinion! have a good night! :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

seventy three

everyone has their share of problems.
some are big, some are small, but they're still problems.
how great is it that in the midst of our own struggles we can still help others who are struggling through theirs?
a few humanitarian projects are up and coming in salt lake and i am grateful to be able to help to participate in support of them.
check them out, find something that inspires YOU, make a difference!

one world cafe
One World Everybody Eats asks guests to pay what they feel the meal warranted. This requires guests use their fairest judgement. Although the kitchen is a non-profit establishment, it still must meet regular business expenses.

The motto of owner Denise Cerreta is "a hand up, not a hand out," meaning, anyone can eat. If a guest finds they don't have enough money to pay for their meal, they can volunteer to wash dishes, clean or work in the garden. The kitchen also serves complimentary "Dal and Rice", an traditional meal from the Indian subcontinent, absolutely free to all guests. Along with our bread, dal and rice provides a healthy, high-protein meal that truly lets everybody eat.

ONEiTY is out to save the world, one onesie at a time. With each and every purchase you make, ONEiTY sees to it that some of your money is replanted in communities where the clothing was manufactured. It has delivered things like vitamins and computers to third-world countries, has installed water wells and has employed non-working mothers in Madagascar. It also contributes to local non-profits in our backyard like the Utah Food Bank, YWCA women’s shelter and the Salvation Army.

how cool is that?!

Monday, October 15, 2007

seventy two


Monday, October 8, 2007

seventy one

apparently the vid didn't load. bummer dude! but here's oakley for real this time, with her mama!