two hundred sixty three

A few realizations have hit me recently:
-im not very fun. This was made evident by the depressing convo with my little sis. "Can we ever hangout and actually do something? I don't care what- we can do whatever you want to do, but please can we just do something?" Sorry J, yes we can definitely do something. I haven't a clue what, but we must do SOMETHING. Yikes.
-i can't fix everything. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with this fact, but acknowlegement is the first step, right?!
-family time and misery are perpendicular. I am depressingly familiar with both angles and the persistent collision of them.
-i have a love/hate relationship with all things "karma," but seem to be bff's with irony.
-my favorite fairytale has become "a proclaimation to the family."
-i stopped believing in dreams after discovering the reality that happiness is merely a wish your heart makes.

two hundred sixty two

Its super easy to kiss the boys you know you'll never see again. The ones you tire of in a matter of weeks. But its scary when you can't figure out why you are still into the same one after multiple months. When you're not finding excuses to stay home and study. When you talk everyday but it still feels like it could all end in an instant. So you put off anything that may ruin it, and anything that may make you fall for him, because you don't want to contribute to the hurt you'd inevitably feel if (when) it all falls apart.

And then one day it does. But you somehow find that ever allusive place where you realize that even if in some strange, alternative reality-

It really will be okay in the end.