two hundred seventy three

Sometimes I get caught up in the insanity of life and kinda forget that I have a future... I know this must seem weird.

I often find myself in autopiolot mode, just going through the motions; bouncing from point A to point B; checking things off the list and forgetting that somewhere in all the mayhem I not only have a future to look forward to, but also have the option to decide what I want to do with that future! Pretty incredible, right?!

Sometimes I get so scared of making a wrong decision that I refuse to make any decision at all. It feels safe that way. But after a while I get tired of being so stagnant, of being exhausted from working so doggedly to simply stay afloat but still not make any real progress.

Well here's the latest on my plans for the future (it feels weird to have some). I applied for fall admittance to finish my BSN in nursing. If I get in then I'll go that route and get my masters as a nurse anesthetist. Even if I end up in a low paying state for that profession I'll still be making bank. If I don't get into the full time program then I'll grad in the fall with my psych degree and apply in the spring for PA programs (I can just apply all of my nursing credits as PA school pre-reqs and won't even have to take any additional classes!) and do my masters that way. I think I'd be happy with either path. That's what makes them so hard to choose between. Either way, I won't be in school forever (even though it feels that way sometimes) and I won't end up working my butt off (literally AND figuratively!) for something dumb like a doctorate in nursing.

Who would have thought when this process all began, that I'd have more potential in life than to just be a rockstar of a trophy wife?! Not gonna lie, it still sounds fun, but knowing what I know now, I don't think I'd be satisfied. I'd get bored. And as much as I cringe to admit it, I'm too damn smart to just sit around and look pretty.

xoxo