two hundred forty one

I am going to make an effort to post more regularly, because let's be honest, I have lots to say! ;)

First of all,
I still know more than my proffesor and walked out of his lecture today because I could have explained everything about his shotty powerpoint way better than he could even hope to. I was so embarassed for him. Who gave his man a PhD, and can they PLEASE take it back?! It really feels like what I imagine a community college class to be like...

Second,
I'm required to take a nutrition intervention class for my major. I took it online because years of seeing a dietitian and desperately searching for ways to rationalize an eating disorder make me quite the knowledge bank when it comes to the function of macronutrients in the human body. The unexpected part was having to go into a room and get weighed, measured, and analyzed in order to procure my assignments for the course. I kind of freaked out and didn't show up to my first scheduled appointment, but didn't want to fail the class so I went today. It ended up just being 2 grad students in the room conducting the tests, so it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it being, but the numbers and percentages part still sucked big time. at least there was a hottie doing my blood panels. Apparently I'm an abnormally slow bleeder... He said it was because my hands were so cold, I say he just wanted to hold my hand! ;) totally kidding. I'm just glad to be done with it.

Lastly (for today),
I went to a new primary care doc today (I'm sick of having to drive 45 minutes away every month just to pick up a stupid script) and I really like her! She's young(er), seems to know what she's talking about, and is really nice! At the end of my appointment she mentioned me having my records sent from my old doc, who has been my ED doc since the CFC days... No doubt that stuff will be in there, so I casually said "yeah, okay, well it may say stuff about heart problems and having an eating disorder, but I don't have that stuff any more so just disregard it!" She was chill and was like "that's okay, I have a bunch of ED patients so we can talk about it later." Ummm, sure, whatevvvs! So I peaced out, but it was great. But I like that I liked her. Its hard to find docs that I like. Most of them are scary or mean or don't listen to what I'm trying to say, but she was great. So hooray! :)

two hundred forty

Can someone explain to me why we pay thousands every semester to take class from someone who has no idea what they're talking about?! I mean really. I'm taking this class called drugs & behavior through the psych department. Obviously, we need to understand the basic anatomy of the brain in order to understand how these specific substances affect normal brain functioning, but this professor has no idea what he's talking about and it drives me crazyyyyy! Granted, I recognize that psych majors don't need to understand neuron function to the degree that I do as a nursing student, but that shouldn't mean that its okay to just make up answers to questions the professor doesn't know the answer to! I wanna raise my hand and say "excuse me sir, you seem like a nice guy but I think you're full of it..." Whatevvvs. I just needed to vent a little because academic credit aside, this class feels like a waste of time and I think that's LAME. Here's to getting an easy A this semester!

two hundred thirty nine

I I went to group therapy tonight for the first time in, I don't know, 3 years? I was soooo nervous. I didn't go see N this week so I thought I'd be proactive and go to group instead of doing nothing at all. Especially since its the first week of fall semester and I'm already freaking out (story.of.my.life). Mom was so sweet and drove me down because she knew I wouldn't have gone down if I had to drive down there by myself. So she and L and j came down and just hung out while I went to group. I was sooo anxious but felt a lot better when I saw jen and britta and allison there! I didn't know the therapist facillitating the group but he ended being awesome. I think allison's doing okay, but britta's struggling and I feel bad for not being more of a support for her. She's always been so kind to me. She has lost a visible amount of weight, but not too, too much. It's the saddness in her eyes that show how hard she's been fighting lately. I know that seems silly to say, but it's so true. It's noticeable when someone usually so vibrant suddenly isn't anymore... I'm sad that she's so sad. There were these day patients that were so vocal about the magic of being in recovery and part of me wanted to say "sorry to burst your recovery bubble, but it doesn't actually get any better as the years go on..." Of course, I refrained. I think it's great for them to feel so enthusiastic, but they're in for a rude awakening the first time they fall flat on their faces. The whole point is learning to pick yourself back up. But if you never fall, you have no opportunity to learn. I absolutely remember the days of feeling so excited about recovery. But they're long gone... After years of back and forth and going in circles, it just gets exhausting. Uhhh, good group, huh?

two hundred thirty eight

As much as it sucks to have to manage your time and learn without being face to face with a professor in lecture, I'm quickly coming to the realization that online classes are a god send. No stares as you walk in the room. No uncomfort as you walk past a group of friends in the hall and are walking by alone as they look at you. No awkward urges to make friends with a stranger on the first day of class just so that you don't need to sit alone for the rest of the semester. No false impressions that you're a frigid little snot because you walk in, take copious notes without acknowledging a single person, and then leave as soon as it would be deemed polite to do so.

Yes.

Online classes are the place for me.

Log out.

two hundred thirty seven

I have a great life,
Its truly not bad,
So can someone explain how I can still feel so sad???

two hundred thirty six

I love nordys.
I love the anniversary sale.
I just love shopping.
It sounds cliche,
The muse of pre-teen girls around the world.
But it completes me.
Because when I shop my world gets better.
My world IS better.
And then its when not I know I can go buy something,
Anything-
And suddenly (even for a moment),
The world is okay again.

two hundred thirty five

knowing what you've got. 

knowing what you need. 

knowing what you can do without. 

[inventory control]