two hundred seventeen

So I make this goal to be happy and balanced in my life. And I wake up this morning, happy and content with the sun shining and rockstar snugging on my pillow, and jenna makes us brunch, and I hang out with my uber adorable sibs, and I feel prompted to go to church. Weird, but fine. Nothing's ever easy with my family so of course we show up 20 minutes late (better late than never, right?) And of course there is no where to sit except for the very FRONT row. And of course my heart starts pounding and I think I should just turn around and go home instead of walking through a packed chapel full of people I don't know. And of course my madre proceeds to walk right down the middle of the chapel with my family in tow. At this point I really don't have an option but to follow, so I do. But of course I'm terrified becuase I'm convinced that everyone is staring in horror at how big my ass is and how un-washboard like my abs have become under my banana republic sweater. So the meeting ends and I slip out before feeling obligated to make eye contact with anyone and end up following my sibs to their new primary classes for 2009. And sherla stops to observe all of our kids classes and insists on questioning the answers of any primary leader trying to giving direction to the unruly bunch of hellions. At the end of it all I politely ask if we could just sit in the back for sunday school and fly under the radar becuase I'm feeling so anxious and she rolls her eyes and tells me I'm being ridiculous. Understanding and supportive as always, right? And so we go to our adult class and of course by the time we get there (after micromanaging the primary) the only seats left are in the very front again. I said I couldn't walk through a whole congregation of strangers again and so she just STANDS in the doorway drawing attention to us as she attempts to come up with a plan of action. She finally suggests that we just stand in the back since I don't want to have to walk to the front. That's gotta be the worst plan ever! So I am now just sitting on a couch in the foyer waiting for it to finish because I've convinced myself that I will somehow sit in this church for the whole 3 hour block. Sherla is sitting next to me, resenting the fact that I have now made HER self conscious of walking to the front when there is no reason for that and she says I shouldn't feel that way. And I feel like a jerk. And I have no desire to smile or mingle or introduce myself to my parents new ward members. And I'm sure it looks like I'm just a total bitch but I really don't care right now. I still have another hour to go. And all I want to do is run away. To anywhere, anywhere but here.