don't sneeze.
don't cough.
as a matter of fact...
would you just not breathe?
don't shake my hand,
don't touch me please.
count to ten-
nod your head.
freaking out,
i know its strange
i just can't make it stop.
i'll.hold.my.breath
obviously my ocd is a bit crazy today.
pass the purell or something.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
ninety one
the first snow of the season hit harder than i would have liked.
good thing my pops insisted i get snow tires put on TODAY, huh?!
he still ended up driving me to class because even in a top rated SUV we were sliding down the hill and i was freaking out!
i've come a long way but sometimes i still wonder if i will ever overcome certain things, anxiety being one of them.
anyway, it's oakley's first snow and she loved it! half the time she was running so fast she just looked like a blur! she was just shivering uncontrollably after 10 minutes in it, but still didn't want to come inside!
of course jenna is already making snowballs and planning to ambush logan with them on their walk home from school!
hooray for playing in the snow! :)
Monday, November 26, 2007
ninety
today i'm thinking...
-there is absolutely no way i am going to get my paper AND 70 pages of biology read tonight, so why stress out by attmepting it?
-alisa needs to come home cuz i miss the boys too too much and am craving a hot fudge malted concrete but have no one to go with.
-i need to work on the concept of intuitive peeing because as i sit here typing away i feel the urge to pee my pants.
-way too many people have suddenly started asking me if i'd ever work want to work at brighton again and its making me consider applying- especially now that i know who the directors and PDs are!
-my dad is such a sweetheart for getting christmas lights and putting them up all on the out side of my house in the dark, just for them to not work and to find out that they aren't the right ones. he only let out one curse word as his fingers were numb from the cold, unable to figure it out, and i thought it was hilarious! my famiy isn't very festive in the first place, and it just makes me so happy that he was willing to go through such a hassle for me!
-could i be any more excited for the holidays?! i mean really- could i?!
-i bought a pink christmas tree for my room, and it has pink lights and everything, and i love love loveeee it!!!
-i finally decided with my mom last night that i wasn't going to work at nordy's next month and then my boss called today to say he had my schedule ready and damn it, i said okay!
-extra crunchy apples are the only kind i'll eat, therefore there is a perfectly sanitary but wrapped up half of a semi crunchy apple in the fridge.
-melissa taylor is really good for me, but i totally miss nicole.
-i think i should get a cute new boy friend for the holidays. cute dates with christmas lights, kissing in the snow and another reason to buy presents sounds fantastic!!!!
-i am so ready for the semester to be done it is out of control and unfortunately its causing me to not want to go to the last two weeks of classes...oops.
-i'm super excited for customer rewards night and pretty much already know most of the stuff i wanna buy! hooray!
-i go through about 1 pink highlighter every week and i interpret that to mean that i am required to read too much for classes.
-i want to make a video blog and post it on youtube, but before i do, maybe i will try posting it here... one day!
-okay, i feel bad for not studying.
peace out yo!
-there is absolutely no way i am going to get my paper AND 70 pages of biology read tonight, so why stress out by attmepting it?
-alisa needs to come home cuz i miss the boys too too much and am craving a hot fudge malted concrete but have no one to go with.
-i need to work on the concept of intuitive peeing because as i sit here typing away i feel the urge to pee my pants.
-way too many people have suddenly started asking me if i'd ever work want to work at brighton again and its making me consider applying- especially now that i know who the directors and PDs are!
-my dad is such a sweetheart for getting christmas lights and putting them up all on the out side of my house in the dark, just for them to not work and to find out that they aren't the right ones. he only let out one curse word as his fingers were numb from the cold, unable to figure it out, and i thought it was hilarious! my famiy isn't very festive in the first place, and it just makes me so happy that he was willing to go through such a hassle for me!
-could i be any more excited for the holidays?! i mean really- could i?!
-i bought a pink christmas tree for my room, and it has pink lights and everything, and i love love loveeee it!!!
-i finally decided with my mom last night that i wasn't going to work at nordy's next month and then my boss called today to say he had my schedule ready and damn it, i said okay!
-extra crunchy apples are the only kind i'll eat, therefore there is a perfectly sanitary but wrapped up half of a semi crunchy apple in the fridge.
-melissa taylor is really good for me, but i totally miss nicole.
-i think i should get a cute new boy friend for the holidays. cute dates with christmas lights, kissing in the snow and another reason to buy presents sounds fantastic!!!!
-i am so ready for the semester to be done it is out of control and unfortunately its causing me to not want to go to the last two weeks of classes...oops.
-i'm super excited for customer rewards night and pretty much already know most of the stuff i wanna buy! hooray!
-i go through about 1 pink highlighter every week and i interpret that to mean that i am required to read too much for classes.
-i want to make a video blog and post it on youtube, but before i do, maybe i will try posting it here... one day!
-okay, i feel bad for not studying.
peace out yo!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
eighty nine
a string of lights here,
some tinsel there,
the ornaments all begin making their holiday debut.
and little by little,
seemingly quiet neighborhoods
start to show hints of Times Square.
cheer gathers steam,
and there's very little
that can stop the festive momentum.
smiles outshine trees,
jingles prompt a choir of commuters,
and even the scroog-iest citizens
look forward to a rousing cup of egg nog
with their fellow merrymakers.
i don't like egg nog in the slightest,
but thought it sounded more whimsically romantic than anything else! haha
anyone in for some holiday shopping?! :)
eighty eight
so i spent black friday shopping, chilling, and making some blocks! i love it! laura wanted hers to say SUPER(star) and they turned out so cute! she loves them and i figured i'd post them! logan's say LAX (its short for lacrosse) 4 LIFE cuz he is such a good lacrosse player it is insane! hooray for theraputic crafts! haha! and now...back to the reality of a weekend of studying! love you all!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
eighty seven
first of all-
happy thanksgiving!!!
yeah, i know its 1:00 am and therefore feels more like wednesday night than thursday morning, but nevertheless i felt the need to address the present holiday!
i've been reflecting on all of the things i'm grateful for in my life and i am just astounded at how richly my life has been blessed. there is truly not a single area of my life that i don't think has been fostered by the love and care of my heavenly father, and that is the greatest blessing of all. i have a darling family, parents that would do anything for me, the best friends in the world, the opportunity for a great education that will eventually enable me to help make a difference in the lives of those around me, a darling dog, an absolutely rewarding and enjoyable job, and more than just the necessities of material posessions in life. i am not by any means saying that life is perfect, but i am happy to give thanks for the fact that everything could be a WHOLE LOT worse!
i, for the most part, am an optimistic, joyful, and happy person. i know that a lot of that is due to the contentment i feel due to the blessings of interactions and support of friends in my life. i want them to know that each one of them really have made a difference in my life and that each example of generosity, love, and compassion has molded me day by day into the best person i know how to be. thank you thank you thank you!
as i continued to ponder (wow, that's such a CB word!) about these friendships that continue to enrich my life, i thought about what makes a relationship grow, what causes that shift between an aquaintance that casually walks into, then out of your life, and what cements those friendships into ones that you will truly cherish forever?
my conclusion is that it boils down to trust. trust of knowing you won't be judged, trusting that disappointment or anger won't be the result of your pure honesty, trust in the fact that they really are just looking out for you- no matter how bluntly it comes across. trust that they won't leave you, trust that regardless of your actions you will still be loved, trust that sharing painful pasts won't be construed into haunting ghosts in your future, and trust that once your walls come down that they will not take advantage of your vulnerability.
trust is an active process of seeking and building, and i think the gateway to that process is through the act of love. to love someone enough to listen to them, to spend time with them, to desire to know who they are inside, regardless of the facade they show to the world, and to truly accept them for who they are is to love them. no judgements, no grudges, no holding back.
so i guess what i'm thinking is that i want to really know YOU. i know that you're fun (or we probably wouldn't be friends and you probably wouldn't have my blog address!) but i want to know MORE about you, the REAL you.
so my loves, if you're down with it-
tell me:
-something personal about you that i may not already know
-something that worries or scares you
-where do you see yourself in ten years?
-realistically, where do you WANT to see yourself in ten years?
-who is a tv/movie character that you truly feel like describes you/your life/your relationships in the world
-is there any way you see to make our relationship better?
okay well i am going to try to get some sleep and snuggle up with my little rockstar!!
i love you all from the bottom of my heart!
ps...feel free to email me your answers if that's easier for you than posting them as a comment- lanagirl87@yahoo.com
happy thanksgiving!!!
yeah, i know its 1:00 am and therefore feels more like wednesday night than thursday morning, but nevertheless i felt the need to address the present holiday!
i've been reflecting on all of the things i'm grateful for in my life and i am just astounded at how richly my life has been blessed. there is truly not a single area of my life that i don't think has been fostered by the love and care of my heavenly father, and that is the greatest blessing of all. i have a darling family, parents that would do anything for me, the best friends in the world, the opportunity for a great education that will eventually enable me to help make a difference in the lives of those around me, a darling dog, an absolutely rewarding and enjoyable job, and more than just the necessities of material posessions in life. i am not by any means saying that life is perfect, but i am happy to give thanks for the fact that everything could be a WHOLE LOT worse!
i, for the most part, am an optimistic, joyful, and happy person. i know that a lot of that is due to the contentment i feel due to the blessings of interactions and support of friends in my life. i want them to know that each one of them really have made a difference in my life and that each example of generosity, love, and compassion has molded me day by day into the best person i know how to be. thank you thank you thank you!
as i continued to ponder (wow, that's such a CB word!) about these friendships that continue to enrich my life, i thought about what makes a relationship grow, what causes that shift between an aquaintance that casually walks into, then out of your life, and what cements those friendships into ones that you will truly cherish forever?
my conclusion is that it boils down to trust. trust of knowing you won't be judged, trusting that disappointment or anger won't be the result of your pure honesty, trust in the fact that they really are just looking out for you- no matter how bluntly it comes across. trust that they won't leave you, trust that regardless of your actions you will still be loved, trust that sharing painful pasts won't be construed into haunting ghosts in your future, and trust that once your walls come down that they will not take advantage of your vulnerability.
trust is an active process of seeking and building, and i think the gateway to that process is through the act of love. to love someone enough to listen to them, to spend time with them, to desire to know who they are inside, regardless of the facade they show to the world, and to truly accept them for who they are is to love them. no judgements, no grudges, no holding back.
so i guess what i'm thinking is that i want to really know YOU. i know that you're fun (or we probably wouldn't be friends and you probably wouldn't have my blog address!) but i want to know MORE about you, the REAL you.
so my loves, if you're down with it-
tell me:
-something personal about you that i may not already know
-something that worries or scares you
-where do you see yourself in ten years?
-realistically, where do you WANT to see yourself in ten years?
-who is a tv/movie character that you truly feel like describes you/your life/your relationships in the world
-is there any way you see to make our relationship better?
okay well i am going to try to get some sleep and snuggle up with my little rockstar!!
i love you all from the bottom of my heart!
ps...feel free to email me your answers if that's easier for you than posting them as a comment- lanagirl87@yahoo.com
Monday, November 19, 2007
eighty six
i got tagged by loni k, so...
The Rules
1. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
2. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
3. Do it. ;)
5 THINGS I WAS DOING 10 YEARS AGO:
1. on student council at lehua
2. running track, playing bball & volleyball
3. helping mom take care of baby logan
4. went to camp timberline
5. the best tree climber EVER!
5 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST TODAY:
1. study biology
2. play with alexander and jax
3. go to my math review
4. go tanning
5. play with roxy
5 SNACKS I ENJOY:
1. cupcake with rainbow chip frosting
2. craisans
3. 5/7/12/200 layer dip
4. chocolate malt
5. carrots and ranch
5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE:
1. buy a house
2. travel with friends
3. found a charity
4. go shopping
5. shop some more! :)
3 OF MY BAD HABITS:
1. sometimes i'm not assertive enough
2. loooong showers
3. picking at split ends
5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. pearl city, hawaii
2. salt lake city, utah
3. 1790 n. state st, orem, utah
4. provo, utah
5. pretty much in bountiful, utah right now
5 JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. alex and jaxon's nanny
2. sales in the rail @ nordy's
3. KD @ brighton girls camp
4. teacher/secretary/everything in between @ elite dance
5. i don't think i've had any other jobs! sad! haha
5 THINGS PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME:
1. my teeth went through my lip when i wiggled out of my stroller at age 3 and i still have the scar from it
2. i'm stoked for one tree hill to start this season
3. shirley temple was my idol growing up
4. i'm actually kinda dreading going back to the rail next month
5. i totally love surveys and stuff like this! i'm a dork! haha
5 PEOPLE TAGGED
1. rachel
2. ash
3. brooke
4. ducky
5. whit
The Rules
1. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
2. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
3. Do it. ;)
5 THINGS I WAS DOING 10 YEARS AGO:
1. on student council at lehua
2. running track, playing bball & volleyball
3. helping mom take care of baby logan
4. went to camp timberline
5. the best tree climber EVER!
5 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST TODAY:
1. study biology
2. play with alexander and jax
3. go to my math review
4. go tanning
5. play with roxy
5 SNACKS I ENJOY:
1. cupcake with rainbow chip frosting
2. craisans
3. 5/7/12/200 layer dip
4. chocolate malt
5. carrots and ranch
5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE:
1. buy a house
2. travel with friends
3. found a charity
4. go shopping
5. shop some more! :)
3 OF MY BAD HABITS:
1. sometimes i'm not assertive enough
2. loooong showers
3. picking at split ends
5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. pearl city, hawaii
2. salt lake city, utah
3. 1790 n. state st, orem, utah
4. provo, utah
5. pretty much in bountiful, utah right now
5 JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. alex and jaxon's nanny
2. sales in the rail @ nordy's
3. KD @ brighton girls camp
4. teacher/secretary/everything in between @ elite dance
5. i don't think i've had any other jobs! sad! haha
5 THINGS PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME:
1. my teeth went through my lip when i wiggled out of my stroller at age 3 and i still have the scar from it
2. i'm stoked for one tree hill to start this season
3. shirley temple was my idol growing up
4. i'm actually kinda dreading going back to the rail next month
5. i totally love surveys and stuff like this! i'm a dork! haha
5 PEOPLE TAGGED
1. rachel
2. ash
3. brooke
4. ducky
5. whit
Sunday, November 18, 2007
eighty five
my body is his weakness
but his eyes are mine.
why is he such a downfall for me?
remember how i'm not just for dessert?!
i wish he would make up his mind.
i say that it doesn't matter,
but if he truly didn't matter
i wouldn't still be
thinking.about.him
i wish i could just chill,
so i play it cool even though
in my head i'm going crazy.
i used to think the only time i could breathe
was when i was with him,
but really i just can't find the words to say-
that when i'm in his arms i can't breathe at all.
it feels so fake sometimes,
like part of a dream,
simultaneously loving the moment
but screaming to wake up.
a jolt, that rush, playing with fire.
maybe regardless of him i just
live for the thrill.
i hate the vulnerability of the whole game
i'm not willing to let him in,
so why go through the motions?
i don't want to play anymore,
i'm too tangled in all the rules.
in too deep, i'm addicted.
it's funny how i seem in a constant
battle to trade one for the other,
and yet i say i don't want one at all.
maybe i'm the one that needs to make up my mind,
his input would absolutely tip the scales.
maybe if i could find my voice-
maybe if i could mean what i say-
maybe if i could take that risk-
maybe if i could catch my breath...
isn't this how its all supposed to go down??
but his eyes are mine.
why is he such a downfall for me?
remember how i'm not just for dessert?!
i wish he would make up his mind.
i say that it doesn't matter,
but if he truly didn't matter
i wouldn't still be
thinking.about.him
i wish i could just chill,
so i play it cool even though
in my head i'm going crazy.
i used to think the only time i could breathe
was when i was with him,
but really i just can't find the words to say-
that when i'm in his arms i can't breathe at all.
it feels so fake sometimes,
like part of a dream,
simultaneously loving the moment
but screaming to wake up.
a jolt, that rush, playing with fire.
maybe regardless of him i just
live for the thrill.
i hate the vulnerability of the whole game
i'm not willing to let him in,
so why go through the motions?
i don't want to play anymore,
i'm too tangled in all the rules.
in too deep, i'm addicted.
it's funny how i seem in a constant
battle to trade one for the other,
and yet i say i don't want one at all.
maybe i'm the one that needs to make up my mind,
his input would absolutely tip the scales.
maybe if i could find my voice-
maybe if i could mean what i say-
maybe if i could take that risk-
maybe if i could catch my breath...
isn't this how its all supposed to go down??
eighty four
my friends are hilarious.
they are the kind of girls
who would rush over if my house was on fire-
to roast s'mores and flirt with the firemen!
i just laugh cuz i'd do the same thing!
they are the kind of girls
who would rush over if my house was on fire-
to roast s'mores and flirt with the firemen!
i just laugh cuz i'd do the same thing!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
eighty two
every day of our lives is a gift, and to me gifts and celebration go hand in hand. so i have decided to make every day a celebration of some attribute of my life.
to discover that i AM the one i've been waiting for.
[celebrate self-reliance]
to discover that i AM the one i've been waiting for.
[celebrate self-reliance]
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
eighty one
whoa, two posts in one day. i must be reallllyyy bored. the ironic thing is that i am insanely busy. i think posting helps me to relax. anyway, it has been suggested that i start journalling again. apparently i have a hard time expressing myself. who would have guessed?! so i went out to a darling boutique called posh frippery and bought this adorable book full of affirmations about being a woman in the world and being okay with who you are. as soon as i saw it i thought it would be a rad journal so i'm actually really excited to start it. maybe i'll start posting some of my favorite quotes... we'll see how things go...
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