two hundred eighty two

Please don't ask,
I don't want to have to lie to you.
Its just a paper.
And I need to prove my penance.
Can't we avoid and pretend just a little bit longer?
Pretty please with a (artifically manufactured, red dye 40 saturated marachino) cherry on top?!

two hundred eighty one

With lipgloss prepped perfection,

She's out the door without a trace.

Sunroof's open, aviators on

As she zips from place to place.

The music's blaring; she sings along

Just living from day to day.

No one would guess the little girl in the Lexus

Just drives to fight her thoughts away.

two hundred eighty

holla.

soooo, i kinda had a little freak out this morning. i wish they didn't happen as frequently as they do. i've cleaned, distracted, slept, studied, zoned out, contemplated the notion of leaving my house to enjoy what looks like a beautiful warm spring day, journalled, and have ultimately found myself still in bed, and frustrated at not being able to figure out why i get so anxious about apparently nothing at all.

i was supposed to go rock climbing this weekend. i went climbing down in st. george last weekend and had a blast. i was looking forward to this trip all week long, it seriously got me through my week. we were supposed to leave yesterday morning and i freaked out and bailed. i love climbing. i love road trips. i love st. george. i love the group that was going down. so what was my deal?!

i just kept thinking about all of the homework i need to get done before finals come up. and i stayed home in order to relieve the stress of needing to get it all done (in theory). in reality, i've done like 3 things out of the 2 dozen that i need to do this weekend, and keep getting in bed in hopes of falling asleep and not stressing about it. unfortunately i've maxxed out on my sleep quota and am blogging instead. destructive? no. but not quite productive either...

okay i'm going to study for reals now and perhaps even leave my house at some point today...

here's to no more panic attacks! :)

ciao.

two hundred seventy nine

got a secret

can you keep it?

swear this one you'll save.

better lock it in your pocket,

taking this one to the grave.

if i show you then i know you won't tell what i've said

cuz two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

why do you smile like you've been told a secret?

now you're telling lies cuz you're the one to keep it.

but no one keeps a secret...

why when we do our darkest deeds, do we tell?

because they burn inside our brains

they become a living hell.

so no one keeps a secret...

[the very thing that connects us to each other?]

[the few secrets we don't think we could ever share with another.]

two hundred seventy eight

okay it's time for a little update...

-i hiked/camped in arches national park for the first time last weekend and it was freezing but amazing. an album of photos are posted on my facebook page and i'm too lazy to post them twice so feel free to scope them there.

-this weekend i'm going rock climbing in st. george and i can't wait! emily and i always have a blast on PRT road trips!

-my anxiety still sucks and i hate Ed. just needed to make sure i have that in writing somewhere.

-i snagged a schweeeeeet pair of straight leg dark wash Seven For All Mankind jeans for $45 today (that's right, be jealous) and am thrilled.

-it was recently discovered that i am an idiot when it comes to payroll and deductions and taxes and somehow owe the government one thousand US dollars. that's right. fml.

-chillaxin with shelly is quickly becoming one of my favorite past times, even if it means beginning to panic when i can't find her in a crowded store and wandering way too quickly (pretending to browse) while having the look of a lost 2 year old on my face until she eventually finds me! what is my deal?!

-found a rad new journal at B&N (i could spend all day in that store. for reals.). you know the old british war propaganda posters that were red with bold white writing and said "Keep Calm and Carry On"? well i found a nifty (yes, i just said nifty) little journal that's pink (of course) and in the same style says "Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake"! baha! i think it's awesome! (equally entertaining was browsing the aisles with her and suddenly seeing a book sticking out with her on the cover. i started laughing SO hard! sorry shell, but out of every book in the store, what are the odds?!)

-i also almost bought another journal that i thought was funny because it said "shopping is cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist." sometimes i shop a bit impulsively, just fyi... but once i got home i realized i'm glad i didn't buy it because with the way i shop seeing a psychiatrist would totally be cheaper so the sassy little saying wouldn't even be true! and then i started thinking about the cost of shopping and seeing a psychiatrist and decided to just stop thinking about things all together. i think too much sometimes all the time.

-glee returns in a matter of days and i'm mucho stoked!

-it needs to get warmer so i can start biking. this cold weather is killllllllling me. i hate it. i need to be outside.

-i also need to study.

peace.out