sixty five

i was meeting with my academic advisors and came to the conclusion that by double majoring, the soonest i can graduate would be 2011. that's if i go to school year round.

yikes!

i am still so excited. i love knowing that i have the potential to accomplish absolutely anything i set my heart on doing. i know that psych and nursing are two things i would love to do. right now i think to incorporate the trauma aspect of nursing like working in an ER sounds like what i'd like to work towards, even though a lot of people think its weird that i'd like to be in a stressful environment like that. i figure i was practically raised in chaos so the ER sounds like a nice fit! haha

anyway, happy birthday to annatjie, and to steve-o! i think its way cool that two of my favorite people both turn 21 on the exact same day! i've decided that i was supposed to turn 21 today too, but i was just born exactly 11 months late! oh well! :)

i better finish packing so i don't miss my flight...
i heart san fransisco!
(not to be confused with "i left my heart in san fransisco." i kinda like keeping my heart with me!)

piccies to follow!
ciao!

sixty four

getting a little loven from the oven!

ashley, whit and i met up with nichole at brick oven yesterday to catch up and chill before nicole moves to alaska with her fam. little macy was a doll and nichole looked about ready to pop! she's hoping to have little girl #2 before the big move... any day now! :)

hooray for CFCers!

sixty three

a little devo for today...
F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

sixty two

today, i leave here better than when i came.
today, i believe in myself.
today, i walk ahead into my own outstanding possibility.
today, i am one with every person on this earth.
i'm going to be something remarkable...in my own special way.
this world will see...i'm on my way...and i'm going to make it.
make it great.
make it strong.
make it powerful.

///here goes round two///

sixty one

trace moved back to cali today and i'm so bummed! although it does give me a new reason to go play down in SoCal! hooray! i think she made the right choice since she really missed her family and has the chance to get free schooling through cal-grants down there, but i'm really gonna miss her! i wish we had time to play before she left! anyway, good luck to t. just eat okay silly?! haha

...suda sa suda sa suda sa sa suda sa!...

sixty

today i got to go up to brighton with loni and marcea to start filming our documentary, and i was shocked at how good it felt just to be up there again. i really didn't want to leave! we saw pika and had snacks in the kitchen and everything! it was AWESOME! it was really weird to have everyone talking about me, but the way everything played out was really through the hand of heavenly father, so i think its important to share our story. and ED prevention and awareness is SO needed in our society today so i wanna do whatever i can to help. i wish i could tell my story now and say that i'm all better. i actually felt kinda bad for not being able to. but realistically, thats just not how recovery works and i need to be okay with that. i'm still trying to find the balance between working hard but expecting perfectionism, and just saying screw it if i can't be perfect... i'm sure i'll get there one day, but it's hard to be patient when you know today is not that day.

[nothing is better than brighton rain]

fifty nine

like most little kids, alexander loves photo booth! he especially likes putting random things in the picture with him, ie...his feet! our "serious" picture was an ode to a line from his favorite show, the wonderpets! the little duck always says "this is serious!" before rushing off to save the baby animals so this is our "this is serious!" picture! haha! rock on dude!

fifty eight

i speak with my tongue tied,
i know that i'm tired
but i never quite know
where i want to go,
sometimes i'm sad, but I’m not weak,
this situation looks bleak
and puffy eyes never lie,
so tears only flow inside.

until when?
i'll be waiting for an answer
i guess that yesterday’s never good enough for you,
you know that i hate this part of me,
you know that i hate this part of me
stuck not knowing what i'm to do.

drown all fears,
use me.
i just feel so sorry
these glossy eyes don’t need
the sadness they have seen
continue a plunge too deep to swim
but usually back up again.
somehow I can’t grasp
the moment i'll say goodbye

i know its a problem, it sucks, it’s unfair
but somehow those words-
the way that I hear them is haunting me,
its under my skin
once again breaking in,
and the tasteless fights that fill my nights
have started to cave in,
its under my skin
insists to break me in
if stubborn's what it takes to prove,
but there's so much more to lose...

fifty seven

meet my best friend anna.

she's been my "other half" since what, junior high, and tonight i've been thinking about how funny our relationship is. the title "other half" pretty much correlates to the symbolism of opposing sides, yin and yang, and the balancing of one another, because aside from our mutual love of country music, dancing, and theatre, we're really nothing alike!

she's the good girl that flirts but won't kiss and is so close with her family that a chisel couldn't break them apart. she's always happy, just naturally, as unbelievable as that seems, and is the ultimate combo of confidence and humility. not to mention she's absolutely gorgeous. she's amazing! i, on the other hand, tend to be the rebellious one, stubborn to the death, anxious, uncertain, impulsive, too analytical, and practically begging for any break from my crazy fam! she's open and outgoing, but when it comes to stuff that really matters, i'm generally pretty closed. as far as social situations, i'm big on the whole "fake it till you make it" cliche. anna falls head over heels and sticks with a boy, while i play the game of "chase me" and can never seem to make up my mind!

its funny that i talk to her like once a month instead of once a day and yet we still count on the fact that we're each other's BFF. every few months we'll get together and sit at kneader's for french toast, chatting about the latest true religions and juicy couture for hours, or we'll stay on a table long after everything's closed and the lights go out at iceberg as our shakes melt and just get thrown away, because there's just too much to talk about. its funny to think that you can be so jealous yet so proud of someone at the same time! half the time she's driving me nuts cuz we're both so dang competitive with each other and who's doing more in their lives, but at the end of it all i'm just so happy to have her! i know she's my best friend, we know we only want the best for each other, and i hope she knows that i'll always be there for her too.

so here's to you annatjie- to hot cuban boys, crazy florida nights, days with our kids at the park, and many memories to come...

love ya chickadee!

fifty six

we went to lagoon last week and had so much fun! alexander loved all the rides and jaxon loved the ones that didn't go too fast-he hated when the force of going forward pushed his head up against his seat. it freaked him out a bit but by the end of the night he was all smiles! my favorite is the one of alex wearing his conductor hat on the train. he's adorable! :)

fifty five

[don't]
stop in the middle of an intersection, even if you have a green light, just because traffic has backed up... be surprised at the bruises after falling down a flight of concrete stairs... park and leave your car in the middle of a drive thru banking lane... hold grudges... work two jobs while doing full time school... assume that the man having a full diabetic seizure is just your stupid big brother trying to wake everyone up... let your phone continue to ring in the middle of the night and be too lazy to get up an turn it off, its just bad etiquette... assume that your skin NEVER burns in the sun... let a 1 year old hold on to his own slurpee in your car... honk randomly at people on the street just to be obnoxious... let your kids zoom around in golf carts if they aren't of legal age to operate a motorized vehicle... wear a white tank top to a muddy day of white water rafting... attempt to rent the bourne identity or the bourne supremacy the week its sequel comes out in theatres... assume a guy's too old for you... tell yourself he's not attracted to you just because he doesn't try to take advantage of you... take sides with anyone unless you're willing to defend that opinion to the death... tell yourself that nothing really matters. its always a lie.