one hundred eighty two

team,

i have been a major slacker on the blog updating. i apologize. i think it's contagious as of late- maybe it's the fabulously warm weather that's keeping us all away from the computer? who knows. well here's the update:

-i'm still consumed by school. i'm hurrying to finish up with my cna so i can have all of august off to play until fall semester starts. school is still kicking my butt but it's not as overwhelming as it was in the beginning. thank goodness! i constantly remind myself that i do the best i can and that will just need to suffice (funny, that theme has been popping up all over my life as of late!).

-i need to get through next week at school and then have an entire glorious week at lake powell. i have never been more excited in my entire life. i'm bummed meekes can't come, but i will think of her while i pull some sick tricks on the wakeboard! yeah! :)

-i'm still nannying for the fabulous fox family and am so grateful spend time with such a loving and straight up FUN family! yesterday they played Kings and Knights:

-i finished my black and white photography class 2 weeks ago and enjoyed it immensely. of course i needed to shoot the boys! i got an A in the course, thanks to their naturally photogenic faces and adorable personalities! and thanks to alisa allowing her children to be followed by a poparazzi like photographer! here are some of the favorites of alexander:

-we also had a catepillar adventure in the past few weeks, but that's a post of it's own!

-i went up to brighton a few times in the past few weeks and am always astounded at the simplicity of renewed faith and love i feel every time i'm there. what an amazing place.

-meekes and i hiked the lake blanche trail this morning and it was GORGEOUS. but patrick- 1.5 miles? no freaking way! we didn't budget enough time and didn't end up getting to the lake in time to come back to SLC on time, so we will need to plan a bit better and try it another time for sure. it was straight up the mountain and killer but insanely beautiful. "the water is amazing; it's SO worth it; keep hiking!" was the line told to us on our way up and on our way down i used the line on fellow hikers who assumed we had made it to the top and were on our way down. i thought i was freaking hilarious! haha good times with meke. i'm so glad she's back here! :)

-season 1 of gossip girl comes out on august 19th and i'm uber stoked! xoxo!

-i need to blow dry my hair before going to tyler's party so this concludes today's update, but i hope you're all happy and healthy, and enjoying the sunshine! i'm convinced all i need to survive in life is a healthy dose of sunshine and summertime! :)

one hundred eighty one

i have some hilarious friends. today i would like to spotlight gabriel. what have i done to merit his hilariousness?! between the exclamations of "you're my personal jesus!" and random janet jackson lyrics posted on my myspace page at 3 am, i could not find myself a funnier friend. he is such a sweetheart, gossips with me about boys, tells me to "rock those bangs girl" and that "i would marry you... if i were straight... or if you were a gay male." what the?! he sends random texts to me while i'm in class and not supposed to be on my phone and they always elicit the most forbidden form of laughter, but i can't help it! he asks ridiculous questions like "why do poor people always wear cotton polyester blends?" "should really fat girls bother to get all dressed up for things?" and "have you noticed that asians are always really weird?" newsflash gabey baby, i AM one of those asians! but i agree that we're weird so i didn't take any offense! haha then there was the one night i received a text saying "please call me asap! my phone is dying so call me at this number..." and being the good friend, i promptly and dutifully call the number. it connected me to the sex addicts anonymous hot line of columbus, ohio! the answering machine explained what the support group was all about and then asked me to leave my name and number so they could get back to me with more information about meeting times! who does that?! i love that he too loves country music and relishes in the perfect chanel gloss for spring. we're perfect for each other- except for the fact that he's gay. but he's the best a girl could ever ask for! i heart my gabe! :)

one hundred eighty

yet another post in which no tale tells all...
it begins and ends with the age old:
it's a small world after all.
and as much as i'm laughing out loud in a empty house by myself,
my heart is pounding.
funny how i just posted about being over him,
and yet it feels as though my heart has just been ripped out.
what a small world indeed.

one hundred seventy nine

after hours of deep thought i came to the conclusion:
you're just not meant to be with me.
every time there's a mistake, you leave.
i may be suffering under my smile,
but i'm better off alone for a while.
cause i don't belong there-
you're so different from me.
i wanted to be with you but you made it so hard.
so don't try to hold my hand,
and don't try to understand.
don't tell your lies,
i know them all by now.
you said you love me,
but did you love her less than this?
no.
i can tell by those "i love you" kisses you gave her in front of me.
i don't even want this anymore.
so don't hit me with the phrase that "it's all gonna be okay."
i was in love with the idea of being me and you,
but in reality you're too different from me.
so don't tell me your lies.
we've been over this a hundred times.

one hundred seventy eight

i'm taking a black and white photography class and yesterday i discovered the most beautiful photograph i have ever seen.we all know the story of marilyn monroe. we have seen the bombshell facade, recognize the pictures, heard the stories. but through the lens of richard avedon we suddenly see through it all. the glitzy dress, perfect hair, and flawless makeup can't hold a candle to the striking moment of insecurity and raw vulnerability expressed through the instant shutter of a camera. it entrances me to look at this and see a picture of norma jean instead of the usual fabricated marilyn because at some point in life i think we all feel the same way. the surge to succeed, the "fake it till you make it" mentality- after a while it catches up to you, you didn't see it coming, and it hits you like a ton of bricks. on some bizarre level i find human err to be incapacitatingly beautiful (yes, i have derived my own version of the word incapacitate).


my assignment this week is to photograph portraits of those i know, those i love, those who share intimate moments of life. and i can't help but feel that i don't want to shoot those 36 exposures of 35mm to be filled with smiling posed facades. its just generic. think about it- when do we take pictures? at weddings, birthday parties, family gatherings, other holidays... people pose and put on big cheesy grins and stand in ridiculous postures with the intention of looking 10 lbs thinner or showcasing their "best side." i want to look through my lens and see authenticity. i want to capture both the ecstatic bliss and crippling heartache of getting up and living every single day. i want to capitalize on those instants in someone's life that only i can capture, the side that a professional stranger could never shoot. i want to accentuate the fact that within every single image, there is always something else. i think that's where the passion of photography contains it's very essence, and it is the most captivating, inspiring, romantically timeless thing i have ever experienced.

one hundred seventy seven

i have learned a priceless lesson-
thou shall not eat room mate's left over mystery pizza.
here's how the last 36 hours played out:
jen's out of town and i was grabbing a hoodie.
i see half a pizza in the fridge and grab a slice.
you see, i like cold pizza better than hot pizza.
well, i don't have a clue what was wrong with it,
but within a half hour i started feeling pretty nauseous.
bad news!
i still had another 4 hours of class and had to walk out twice!
it only got worse after i got home.
you know how people are convinced that you feel better after throwing up?
this was not the case my friends.
and it sucked.
i can tell you the last time i threw up.
september 4, 2005.
and i hated it!
so it's been over a day and i'm still feeling a bit green.
no fun at all.
especially since i was so excited to move into my house this weekend!
i have ventured around my bedroom a little to do some light packing,
but i assure you this-
no pizza for awhile.
and no leftovers-
ever.

one hundred seventy six

[for future reference]
if you are ever so desiring a few days of 100% miserable weather,
just have me wash my car!
for reals,
my car has been washed once, maybe twice, all winter
(the padre just couldn't stand the filth a moment longer and took it to get washed himself).
this is an intentional lack of exterior car cleansing because without fail,
the day after i wash it...
it rains.
not just drizzles, but a total downpour inevitably ensues.
bummer.
so maybe if i don't wash it anymore we can get the sunshine back?
worth a try, huh?