ninety eight

if i could,
now'd be the time.
but i gave my word
so it'd better shine.
autonomous but seeming
to go hand in hand,
its pointless to argue
this deviation in plan.
one vote for,
but so many against
i try not to realize
that the stakes are intense.
prodding eyes knowing,
that all encompassing grin,
to supress for an instant
before you know what's within.
that foretale zing,
so-called magic potions,
ingnoring the fact
it will lead to explosion.
is that what this is really about?
walking that line
till my wick has burned out?
experience is a killer,
to live with or without...
i can't make up my mind
but don't blow me out.
don't think you know
more than i do.
you think you know the real me-
but i act this way for you.
a facade or becoming?
is that who i will be?
as detatched as i feel,
its still up to me.
so what would YOU choose?
REALLY commit?
tell me when
instead of living this life
waiting for it to end.