ninety four

im pretty sure the insomnia is just getting worse
as the apprehension builds in knowing i need to be up in a few hours.

i'm telling ya-
depression is going around like the flu
and so i'm wondering where to get vaccinated?

my head is spinning...
am i really going to show up to see alice tomorrow?
why? what will i say?
i'm so sick of the drive,
all alone in my head.
if melissa asks too many questions i may just have a meltdown
but as much as that scares me
it'd be such a relief.

where is all this disatisfaction coming from?
i'm a happy person.
i'm a happy person.
i'm a happy person.
rinse and repeat.

it was my choice-
i think i said the right words
i keep looking down to see if i'm bleeding
i didn't realize it was possible
to rip out your own heart.

i really AM a happy person!
.rinse.and.repeat.