a few things:
first, i went to the dentist this morning since i had yet another cavity. good times. apparently the combination of years of stomach acid and compulsive tooth brushing don't go too nicely with the attempt to maintain strong tooth enamel... okay well to make a long story short i am now sitting at the back of my stats class feeling pretty strung out (thank you ativan), my mouth, jaw, lips, etc all numb, and hoping and praying that i don't get called on or spoken to. i'm not really a fan of drooling all over myself or speaking like a stroke patient. i would be so embarrassed, so of course now i'm all paranoid!
second, jenni schaefer(the life without ed lady) wants me to help her with an article and i don't know how to say no so... yeah. its going to be in cosmogirl and that freaks me out. what should i do? this whole ED thing is frigtarded. i wish it would all just go away.
third, i am in class till 9:30 tonight and have to cart around my supplies for my chemistry lab tonight. let me just say that i feel a bit nerdy walking around campus with a full roll of paper towels, jug of dish soap, kitchen matches and combo lock. yeah. but at least it all fits in a giant pink juicy bag, so i guess it could be worse.
i hope this all made sense. i'm seriously feeling pretty out of it. okay i'm out.
6 comments:
I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing, but the whole carrying around chem stuff was pretty dang humorous :) You are fun. I miss you! I hope that Chem lab went well. Love you tons hun, and just thought I'd send some good happy vibes your way.
Okay...I know you suck at saying no (as do I babe!) but I think it's an amazing opportunity to help with an article that could reach so many people. I know you worry it means you have to be perfect...I don't really know what to say to that, because I don't think it's true...but wow. I'm a wee bit jealous. What an amazing way to get your voice out there!
Cosmo girl? Wow. But I agree with Brie, you don't have to be perfect, my dear! Just simply be yourself because that's all we ever can be, ya know?
You are pretty amazing.
Luvs
anyone who expects a perfect recovery is a hypocrite. I think it sounds like a great opportunity, but the decision is yours either way and i"ll support you in it.
I love your comment about hauling around your chem lab stuff. Lucky duck it fit in a bag. :) I think the article would be a great opportunity. Others need to know that recovery doesn't mean your life is perfect or your problems disappear, but that you are able to handle and deal without using Ed behaviors. Smile, beautiful Alana!
Saying no is hard. but Brie is right, you really do have an amazing opportunity to reach out to young girls before they get stuck in this wicked cycle carrying it with them into adulthood. Don't be perfect, just be yourself. You are much cooler than perfection. And I must admit while I was reading your blog I was picturing you drooling all over your desk and keyboard with a drugged manic look on your face. Needless to say, it made me smile!
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