i can't believe i'm one of those girls that is writing a post about a boy. it feels so cheesy! but since this is my blog i guess it gives me implicit permission to write about whatever is on my mind, and this boy is definitely on my mind. i wish he wasn't, but he is and i'm just not sure what to do. good guy? great guy. good looking? you bet! RM? check that one off the list. but when all's said and done, what's so special? he is still just a BOY. so why am i suddenly finding that i kinda, sorta, maybe am digging him a bit more than i had originally planned? what is that about?! i am not a "i need a guy" kind of a girl. i am far too stubborn about my own independence and security (and let's be honest, vulnerability). but i'm telling you this boy is like a drug to me. when i am with him i want nothing than to be with him all the time, but when i put school and work first and don't make time for him at all i do just fine. how can one singular person have such an allure that all my preconceived values and priorities seem to disappear in his presence? i joke about this boy being trouble, (because what boy isn't) but wow, this boy is TROUBLE (capital t, that rhymes with p, and that stands for pool!). i'm in this pattern where i'm with him non stop for like a week and then i need to detox or something for a good few weeks and just abstain from him completely. see how its like a pattern of relapse and recovery?! maybe boy free is the way to be... but maybe not... can someone please figure my head out for me because i think my feeble attempts are just getting me further and further dazed and confused...
ps... i pretty much have the greatest friends ever and really appreciate your love and support in every aspect of my life- especially when i'm having a ridiculously insecure night like the one of my last post. you all are amazing and i am so grateful to have you in my life- every one of you!
thankyou.thankyou.thankyou
from the bottom of my heart!
5 comments:
Hey Tink! I hate boys that are "trouble" and even more than that when you can't figure out how you feel! Thanks for the congratulations. I'm working two sessions in Ephraim and one in Salt Lake, it should be fun, not a huge break from teaching but what can you do?
Yeah, this is tough...and now I *really* know how tough this is for you, and wow. I honestly have no perfect advice that will just make it all just fine. Do you ever talk with him about where he wants the relationship to go? Does he like casually dating or does he want more? Are you completely opposed to becoming an official couple? Remember that even if you are dating, it doesn't mean you have to marry the guy! I dunno. Something to think about. You can still be independent and have a boyfriend, I don't think it has to be one or the other...there is a grey in between, my black and white friend! :)
Enjoy it! and try to communicate with him about where you want things to go instead of assuming. :)
PS-My mom's maiden name really is Snowball, so it really is Grandpa Snowball. Fun huh? :)
Dude, 'the boy' is one drug that it's probably pretty ok not to abstain from. ;) As long as he is treating you right...
Sounds to me that you're just a wee bit afraid of how you feel. It's strange to be writing this on your blog as a post...
Why do I love the (...) feature so much?!
Um, LOVE the new picture on the blog! So cute!
PS I sure as hell better be the *first* to know! ;)
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